


His Three Best Strengths

by MaxWrite



Series: Bendt Series [4]
Category: Mission: Impossible (Movies), Mission: Impossible - Ghost Protocol (2011)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-21
Updated: 2014-09-21
Packaged: 2018-02-18 07:31:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,582
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2340209
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MaxWrite/pseuds/MaxWrite
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A museum. A bomb. A madman hellbent on destruction. Business as usual. There's no room for error … or relationships.</p>
            </blockquote>





	His Three Best Strengths

**Author's Note:**

> This is from Ethan's PoV and mainly takes place during a mission, so there isn't much Benji/Brandt cuteness. Sorry about that. I always felt kind of odd writing in MI fandom and never really tackling a plot that felt like a real mission. I do relationships and interesting conversations. And kink. I don't do plotty fics, generally speaking. And now I remember why.
> 
> Museums are not usually inside of high-rise buildings, as far as I know. That was my first mistake while writing the first draft. They're normally in buildings that are more wide than tall. But when I tried to edit so that the building's layout made more sense, I realized that some scenes would require complete rewrites and there were things I liked that I would've had to scrap entirely. I just didn't have it in me, so I said screw it and scrapped the edits instead. This museum is inside a freakin' skyscraper. Oops.
> 
> I'll end this note here, because any artist can go on for days about everything that's wrong with their work, but that's not very attractive. The plot here isn't the point anyway. It's merely the vehicle to get our guys from point A to point B. Hopefully it's an enjoyable journey for you. Thanks for reading. <3

Ethan kept close watch on Benji and Will.

They'd been dating for four months now. Or four months that Ethan knew about. They could have been sleeping together for longer than that. Benji had saved Will's life in India. Sharing an experience like that had a way of creating a bond. Clearly.

It wasn't that Ethan didn't trust them. The list of people Ethan would trust with his life was very short and Will and Benji were top of the list. But people were fallible, especially where emotions were concerned.

So Ethan watched them when he could, looking for signs of weakness, hesitation, uncertainty, favoritism. Would Benji have been so quick to agree to send Will into that computer array in India if they'd been in love then?

Well, actually yes, he would have. Benji had the utmost faith in his gadgets, even when he probably shouldn't. Okay, bad example.

It was a rainy afternoon in Paris. Ethan stalked his prey down the alley behind a museum, gun held low for the moment. He pulled the cap of his maintenance man uniform down lower to guard against the rain and he wished his uniform didn't have to be traffic-cone orange. You can't blend in wearing fucking orange. He'd been a veritable shining beacon as he'd rounded a corner and approached his two targets. They'd seen him the second he'd appeared and had fled, managing to avoid being hit by Ethan's bullets. At the first place they could turn, they'd each gone in a different direction. Ethan could only follow one, so that was what he was doing now.

Unfortunately, a member of the museum's maintenance crew showing up with a gun had probably tipped them off that people were onto them and that those people would be disguised. They'd be on their guard now.

"Where is he?" Ethan asked, knowing Benji could hear him in the surveillance van several blocks from the museum. "Jane got that tracker on him without a hitch, you should be seeing him by now."

"Got him!" said Benji's voice in Ethan's earpiece. "Fifty meters due South and … up."

"Up? The fire escape again?"

"Yup."

"Why is he doing that?" Ethan muttered to himself. Why their target was exiting and entering the building via the eleventh-floor fire escape and not closer to the ground was simple enough; it was less populated up there. But why he was exiting and entering the building at all was still unclear. Ethan mentally went over everything he knew about their target: Donald Devoy; American; code name: Hamelin; cult leader; mission: to become a god.

Which for some reason involved blowing up this museum and everyone in it.

This particular museum was home to an ancient manuscript whose text Devoy had convinced himself would reincarnate him as the world's next lord and savior. His goal was to recite the text and then detonate a series of bombs he and his crew had planted throughout the surrounding area. He and everyone within and around the museum would die, all of them necessary sacrifices according to Devoy. And he would, in theory, be reborn from the ashes.

He had walked among his sacrifices today, pretending to be one of them, taking the museum tour with them, but eventually he'd slipped away to convene with his partner outside. There were no cameras in the alley, so Benji hadn't been able to see what Devoy and his partner had been up to, and by the time Ethan had gotten there, there'd been nothing much to see. Except for the duffle bag. That was new. Neither Devoy, nor his partner, had had the bag when they'd arrived today. It must have been hidden in the alley.

And now Devoy was sneaking back into the museum via the fire escape, the same way he'd sneaked out of it. But now he had cargo; whatever was inside that bag wasn't something they could get past security.

"Jane, when he ducked out of the tour, did he seem suspicious?" Ethan asked. Maybe Devoy wasn't yet questioning Jane's identity; she was dressed as a civilian.

"Devoy? No," said Jane from inside the museum. "His partner's a different story, though. Gave me the stink-eye when I 'accidentally' bumped into him. I was talking to Devoy for a good fifteen minutes. Callaghan's bound to have voiced his suspicions about me by now."

Vassar Callaghan; Devoy's right hand and most devoted follower. He'd exited the museum via the main entrance and had run around to the back to meet up with Devoy. He must have gone back inside by now, again through the main entrance.

"Neither one of them's found the trackers you put on them, though," said Benji. "I've got them both on viewer now."

The trackers were backup in case the surveillance cams failed them somehow. Benji's idea. Initially Ethan had thought it would be overkill, but he'd gone with it anyway. He'd learned to stop questioning the things Benji insisted on bringing along and making them use, because nine times out of ten he was right. For example, Devoy was currently taking a route that he'd cleared of all surveillance earlier on, but Benji could still see Devoy's little dot on one of his screens and could still pinpoint his location thanks to the trackers.

"Benji, where's Callaghan now?" asked Ethan.

"Ground floor. Looks like he's headed for the nearest bank of elevators."

"I don't know where Callaghan's going, but Devoy must be on his way here," said Will, who was manning the manuscript room on one of the museum's upper floors. "I think it's go time. He'll wanna secure the manuscript as soon as possible."

The manuscript room was the safest place for Will at the moment, what with the bullet wound in his thigh. He'd had a run-in with Devoy earlier while following him through the museum. Having donned a security person's uniform, Will had been mistaken for actual museum security during Devoy's journey to the eleventh-floor fire escape. There'd been a brief shootout with silenced guns, a shootout Will had lost. Luckily his wound wasn't fatal, at least not yet. Ethan had reassigned him to man the manuscript room. He could chill for a while up there, at least until either Devoy or Callaghan got to him.

Devoy had incapacitated every museum employee he'd encountered on that journey, but hadn't killed any of them. The only one who wasn't now unconscious was Will and that was only because Will had been prepared. Devoy was deliberately keeping everyone alive for the time being. They were to be sacrifices in his glorious explosion. Killing them early would be a waste.

"So, where's Callaghan going?" Ethan asked. "Does he have any cargo I might've missed?"

"Not that I can see," said Benji. "Why?"

"I've got a hunch," Ethan replied, but he didn't explain any further. His hunch made no sense if Devoy had the bag and Callaghan didn't.

"I can stall him if you like," said Benji. Ethan could hear the clicking of computer keys as he spoke. "I can stall both of them, just take a second."

"No, let them go," said Ethan. He stopped and looked up at a set of black metal stairs that wound up the side of the building. He didn't see anyone above. "This the place, Benji?"

"What? Um, yeah, that's it, but Ethan –"

"I'm going up. Will, you ready for Devoy if he gets to you before I get to him?"

"Ready," Will replied gravely.

"Why let Devoy go when we can stall him?" asked Jane.

"Because he's the one with the detonator, remember?" said Ethan as he began climbing the slippery wet stairs. "If he senses for even a second that we're hindering his progress, he'll set those bombs off in a heartbeat."

"He needs the manuscript," Jane protested. "Without it, him dying makes no sense."

"I wouldn't exactly say his plan looks any more solid _with_ the manuscript, to be fair," Will pointed out.

"He means business," Ethan said impatiently. "If he's unstable enough to think his plan will work in the first place, he's unstable enough to blow the whole thing up and himself with it if it looks like he won't succeed. If he's with either Will or myself, at least then one of us has a chance of getting the detonator away from him. If he's by himself? Stuck in an elevator that won't budge with the detonator at his fingertips? That's a scenario I'd like to avoid."

"Ethan," said Benji urgently. "I'm sorry, I really am, but are we really about to just let this guy go on his merry way undisturbed? It's like you said, he's got the detonator on him. Crazy or not, he's not about to set off his bombs without at least attempting to get hold of that manuscript."

"We gotta let him go, Benji."

"But Ethan –"

"No more discussion!" Ethan snapped. "This is the plan. We let him go. If we stall him, we're all dead."

"And if neither you, nor Will, can stop him before he detonates?" Jane asked.

Ethan hesitated before replying. "Jane, you should get out now, head back to the van. It's far enough away that you and Benji should be safe if things go south."

Silence. Nothing but the roar of rain, the rumble of distant thunder and the clang of Ethan's boots on the metal stairs.

"Acknowledge," Ethan demanded. "All of you, acknowledge."

"Acknowledged," said Will. He sounded ready but resigned. Ethan thought he heard him cocking his gun.

"Jane?" Ethan said.

"I'm not leaving," she said.

"Jane –"

"Forget it, Ethan. You need backup. I'll come at Devoy from a different direction, I might be able to reach him before he gets to Will."

Ethan sighed. She was right, of course. No sense sending able-bodied agents out of the building. "Fine, you stay. Benji, where's Devoy?"

Ethan heard the sounds of typing again and then Benji replied, "He's in the Southeast stairwell, eleventh floor. The manuscript room's over fifty floors away. He should be exiting the stairwell to get to an elevator soon."

"Got it," said Jane.

Ethan didn't like the tone of Benji's voice. He sounded distant, like half his brain was preoccupied with something else. He was thinking about the bombs going off with the three of them still in the building, with _Will_ still in the building. He was thinking of stalling Devoy.

"Wait!" Benji exclaimed suddenly. "He's … he's going down. Why's he going _down_?"

"He's headed downstairs?" Ethan asked.

"Yeah, _away_ from the manuscript room."

"That makes no sense," said Jane.

"The hell's he doing?" asked Will.

"Keep an eye on him," said Ethan. "As soon as you catch him on camera, you tell me what you see."

More typing and then Benji said, "Got him. He's on eight, still going down. He's still got the bag with him."

"Should I go after him?" asked Jane.

"No," said Ethan. "Wait. See what he does."

"He's two floors up from the basement," said Benji. "And … he's made a drop. Literally. He just dropped the bag over the banister. It's landed on the stairs on the first floor. And he's out, exited the stairwell. He must be headed for an elevator now."

"Go, get to him," Ethan said to Jane.

"On it!" Jane said.

"That bag he dropped is for Callaghan," said Ethan. "That's where Callaghan's going, to pick it up. Remember that hunch I mentioned? I think there are more bombs inside that bag."

"I think you're probably right," Will agreed. It made sense; there were bombs planted underground in the surrounding area, but Devoy hadn't been able to get any bombs inside the museum until now. He'd bypassed security by sneaking outside via the fire escape, clearing that route of employees and surveillance cameras as he went so that the route would still be clear when he returned. Now he was on his way up to the manuscript room while Callaghan was on his way down to the basement to plant bombs at the very base of the museum, ensuring it's destruction and lessening the chance of survivors.

"But … hang on," Will added, "why didn't Callaghan just take the bag in through the fire escape if he's the one planting bombs?"

"This is an old building," said Ethan. "One person on the fire escape is treacherous enough, let alone two."

"Yeah, but why wouldn't Devoy simply go in the main entrance? He'd already cleared the fire escape route, his work should've been done."

"Devoy needed to bring the bag inside himself for a reason," said Jane.

"And I think we all know it wasn't for anything good," said Will. No, whatever it was, it was definitely nothing pleasant, but it would have to wait. They couldn't figure it out now, and besides something else was troubling Ethan.

"Benji?" he said. "You didn't acknowledge before. When I said we were sticking to my plan."

"… I know," Benji said meekly. He didn't sound terribly pleased with himself, but he also sounded like he'd made up his mind. If push came to shove he was going to stall Devoy whether Ethan liked it or not. But would he really do that? Disobey a direct order from his team leader? Love did tend to make people do crazy things and Benji didn't want Will facing Devoy alone with his injury.

Ethan sighed again. They'd cross that bridge if and when they came to it.

"Where's Devoy now?" he asked as he reached the eleventh floor.

"In an elevator heading up."

"I missed him," Jane said, her voice tight with tension. "Got held up in a crowd that had just entered the building. School children. Must be a class trip. Ethan, I really think we should try to stall this guy."

Great, as if there hadn't been enough children in the building as it was. Ethan stood his ground. "Let him go," he said, his voice straining as he struggled to climb in through Devoy's broken eleventh-floor window. He was half in, half out when his foot slipped on the wet metal of the fire escape landing. He tilted forward and felt jagged glass pierce the skin of his right cheek. He winced and jerked his face away as his hands braced against the window sill to try and stabilize himself. His gun slipped from his fingers, fell onto the landing and slid off the side. It went careening to the ground below.

"Shit," Ethan muttered. He felt blood running down his face and wiped at it with his sleeve.

"What happened?" asked Will.

"Gun's gone. Fell off the fire escape."

"You shouldn't go after him then," said Jane. "Will and I have this. Climb back down, get the gun before someone finds it."

"No way. I'm coming in."

"He's already in the elevator. He's getting to Will before you're getting to him. There's no point. You're unarmed and probably won't have time to get to him after you retrieve your gun."

"I'm not leaving, Jane."

"We can make it look like an accident!" Benji said suddenly.

"What?" Ethan and Jane asked in unison.

"If one of you makes an announcement over the loud speaker, something about maintenance and elevators being down for a while, he won't know it's us. He might try climbing up through the maintenance hatch in the elevator's ceiling, but it'll be easy to head him off if he does. Will is injured and Ethan's unarmed. Neither one of you can face him alone. You're best bet is to let Jane get to him first, and that's impossible if we just let that elevator keep going."

"He's right," Jane said. "I can get to him if we slow him down."

"If we make an announcement over the loud speaker, we might tip off the museum employees that something's up," said Ethan. "They can't know. If they get involved, civilians get hurt."

"We can have this whole thing wrapped up by the time anyone notices anything," said Jane.

"Ethan, we can do this," Benji pleaded.

A more confident Benji was usually an asset, but sometimes Ethan wished Benji would simply comply. His insistence on stalling Devoy had nothing to do with logic and everything to do with keeping his injured boyfriend from facing Devoy alone. Will could handle himself, wounded leg or not.

"Benji, where is he?" asked Will.

"Twenty-fourth floor. If we're gonna stall him, I have to do it now … Ethan?"

Ethan was hesitating. He'd gotten in through the window with a few cuts to his skin and tears in his uniform and was now running down a hallway. He heard voices ahead and stopped dead. He was soaking wet, bleeding and wearing a shredded uniform. The last thing he needed was to be questioned. He cast about and saw a janitor's closet. He ducked inside, shut the door, flipped on the light and looked around as he reluctantly replied, "Do it. Stall him."

He heard a relieved sigh in his ear.

"He's stalled on twenty-nine," Benji said, sounding a lot less panicked now.

"On my way there," said Jane.

Will cleared his throat and Ethan heard his voice both directly in his ear and throughout the entire floor as he said in French, _"Attention … people. Uh, we're experiencing some technical difficulties. The elevators will be down for a while. I repeat: the elevators are down. We apologize for the inconvenience."_ He got off the loud speaker and said in English, "Ethan, I'm coming to you."

"What for?"

"Give you my gun."

"Wait. Benji, where's Callaghan?"

More typing and then Benji replied, "Underground. He's got the bag."

"All right. Will, meet me on eleven."

Minutes later, Ethan exited the janitor's closet in a clean, dry uniform with his cheek cleaned and bandaged. He was pushing a cart of cleaning supplies which made him feel far less conspicuous than he would have otherwise. He kept his head down as he went by a group of suited men and women and hurried on his way to the nearest bank of elevators. He checked which floor each was on. There was indeed one stuck on twenty-nine; Devoy. Another was several floors below it and heading up; Jane. A third was coming down and stopped on Ethan's floor. Its door opened and Will, dressed in a black security uniform and looking slightly green in the face, nodded at Ethan.

"Fancy meeting you here," he said, hobbling to the door and holding it open with his shoulder. His left pant leg had the bullet hole in it, up at his mid thigh. The fabric around it was shiny with blood.

"You need to get outta here," Ethan said, abandoning his cleaning cart and taking the gun from Will.

"You guys might need me."

"Jane and I will be fine. There's a maintenance closet down that hallway. There's a first aid kit in there. Patch yourself up as best you can and get out of the building before Benji has an aneurysm. Think you can make it to the van on your own?"

"I'm swinging by to pick him up," said Benji.

"No, you stay where you are," Ethan said. "There's no sense all of us risking –"

"I'm coming, Ethan. Just let me. Please."

Ethan rolled his eyes. "Fine. You two, I swear –"

"Twenty-ninth floor," said Jane, her voice quiet and tense. "Exiting the elevator. Benji, open his door."

"What if he's onto you?" Will asked.

Jane hesitated. "I'll charm him."

"Charm him," Will repeated skeptically.

"Sure, piece of cake," she said, the sudden higher pitch of her voice not exactly conveying confidence.

Ethan clenched his jaw, in part because he was tense, but also because he was trying not to smile. This was no time for smiles. Jane's strong suit was kicking asses. She'd sooner punch this guy in the face as look at him.

"Opening elevator door in three … two … one …" said Benji. They all listened as Jane got in Devoy's way as he attempted to exit. She managed to keep him inside and let the door close behind them, which Benji promptly locked again. He then addressed Ethan and Will while Jane apologized profusely and made awkward small talk: "Callaghan's on the move."

"Where's he headed?" asked Ethan.

"Uhh … looks like the control room, also in the basement."

"What's he want in there?" asked Will.

"Let's hope I can get to him before we find out," said Ethan, checking how many bullets he had in Will's gun. He and Will switched places; Will stepping out of the elevator while Ethan stepped in.

"Wait," said Will, frowning to himself. "I made an announcement to the entire building about the elevators being down. Devoy hasn't even questioned why Jane got in with him." He and Ethan exchanged a look, both thinking the same thing; that Devoy was indeed onto Jane and was just playing along.

Ethan kept his brave face on. "Jane can handle him. Go find Benji. Hurry, before you pass out." He then stepped back to let the elevator door close. He punched a button and headed down to the basement.

"I wonder what the holdup is," said Devoy to Jane. "Elevators opening and closing and not going anywhere. Strange. Don't you think?"

"Huh, that _is_ odd," said Jane. "Obviously there's some kind of glitch."

"Yes … although … you knew the elevators were stalled. Why were you waiting for one?"

"I … thought maybe the problem had been fixed. They said it would only take a few minutes."

Whether it was a good sign or not that Devoy was now questioning why Jane had boarded, Ethan couldn't tell. Devoy had either been clueless about who she was and was only just now becoming suspicious or had been suspicious all along and was just toying with her.

And now Ethan was wondering if Will had specifically said that elevator service would be restored in 'a few minutes'. He couldn't remember, but hopefully neither could Devoy.

"I suppose it doesn't matter," said Devoy. "I'm sure we'll be on our way soon enough. I must admit I'm not entirely upset at the delay now that you're here."

"Oh?"

"Yes, I had to step away from the tour so abruptly, I feared I'd never see you again."

Ethan rolled his eyes.

"That's sweet of you to say," she replied in her sultriest voice.

"It is a damn shame I had to leave so quickly. I was going to introduce you to my colleague. I believe you bumped into him earlier."

Ethan didn't like the turn the conversation had taken. Even if Callaghan hadn't yet voiced his suspicions to him, Devoy was no slouch. Jane having struck up a conversation with him _and_ bumped into his partner was too big a coincidence.

Jane laughed her lilting, fake laugh. "That's me, old clumsy. It's a miracle if I get through a day without bumping into something."

Devoy laughed as well, a soft, polite sort of laugh. "You are terribly charming. Such a pity that I can't take you with me."

"Are you going somewhere?"

"Yes. It'll be lonely … perhaps if you're worthy you'll be able to tag along."

There was that special brand of crazy. The man was actually hoping Jane might make it through the explosion. To what, be his queen? Ethan could just see Jane suppressing a shudder.

Ethan remembered the thing that had been troubling him earlier. Why had Devoy and Callaghan gone outside to meet in the alley? Devoy had had to retrieve the bag, but why had Callaghan gone out there when he could have waited in the stairwell? And why had Callaghan not taken the bag in himself? If Ethan's uniform hadn't been the color of an electric Dorito he might have been able to see what they'd been up to before they'd noticed him.

"Jane," he said, "Take an x-ray."

"Of Devoy? Now?" asked Benji. "What for?"

"I've got a hunch."

Jane had a tiny x-ray camera hidden inside a pretty, jeweled bobcat brooch on her blouse. Another of Benji's ideas. Ethan hadn't thought the bobcat pin would come in handy, but it just might now.

Less than a thirty seconds later, Benji spoke up again: "X-ray coming in." A few seconds of silence as he studied the image he'd been sent of Devoy, and then, "Uh-oh."

"Uh-oh?" Ethan echoed. "That's the last thing I wanna hear from you right now."

"He's got a bomb strapped to his chest underneath his shirt and coat."

That was it, the reason they'd met in the alley. Devoy had needed Callaghan to help strap on his bomb. If Devoy chose to detonate now, there was no way Jane would survive.

"That was his plan all along," said Ethan, "to have the master bomb with him, on his person, for the ritual. And obviously there was no way he was gonna get by security with it on him, so he had to be the one to take the fire escape route back in."

"But why?" asked Will. "Doesn't he have enough bombs already? Isn't this last one just overkill?"

"It's all about appearances with him. The ritual, the show. He wants to make sure there's nothing left of him, so that when he's resurrected it's truly a mira –"

Ethan's elevator came to an abrupt halt, cutting off his final word. It stopped so suddenly that he lost his balance. He quickly righted himself and looked up at the row of digits above the door. Both 'B' and 'G' were flickering. He'd stalled halfway between the two floors.

"Benji, what the hell just happened?" he demanded.

"I dunno! Something's overriding my controls … uh-oh."

"What'd I tell you about that word?"

"Callaghan. I think we just found out why he went into the control room."

"You gotta be kidding me," Ethan muttered. "How does he even know which elevator I'm in?"

"I don't think he does. He must've worked out that our maintenance announcement was bogus and decided to investigate. He must be trying to get Devoy's elevator going again."

"Can you get my door open?"

"Hang tight, I might be able to … wait … what the hell is that?"

"What the hell is what?"

"Is that … oh my god. He never left."

"Who never lef –" But Ethan knew who it was before he could finish his question. "Where is he?"

"I think he's trying to get to Jane. He just entered the elevator shaft of the stalled elevator, three floors above it. He's gone. I can't see him anymore; no cameras in the shaft."

"Dammit, Will," Ethan said under his breath.

"I'm fine," Will assured them. "I figured Jane could use an extra set of hands. Sorry, I can only offer the one leg, though."

"Will, you are unarmed and wounded!" Ethan snapped. "The fact that you can even still walk is due to pure adrenaline. Whatever it is you're doing, turn around and get out of the building!"

"Can't. I'm climbing down the elevator cables. I can hold my own weight enough to climb down safely, but climbing back up to the hatch is out of the question."

"Billy …" Benji whimpered. Whatever else he was going to say, he stopped himself.

 _"Billy?"_ Ethan mouthed silently to himself with an incredulous frown. Since when did anybody call Will 'Billy'? The fact that they'd all stopped calling him 'Brandt' at some point was weird enough.

"I'll be fine," Will said gently, and Ethan knew it was only Benji he was talking to in that moment, a moment Ethan almost felt he shouldn't be present for. Weird nick names and quiet reassurances; Ethan had never wanted to work with a couple and this was precisely why.

"As soon as he hears you on top of that elevator, he's gonna detonate that bomb and blow us all sky high," he said to Will. But what could be done now? Will was already on his way and couldn't go back, and he couldn't just hang there forever, not with his injury.

"Got it!" Benji exclaimed. Ethan heard a "ding" sound and his door opened up, revealing the disconcerting image of the floor of the ground floor suspended in midair and a short drop to the concrete basement below it. There were lots of people milling about on Ground, though luckily none of them were waiting for an elevator; nobody expected them to be working. Ethan ducked before anyone could glance over and see his head.

"I'm climbing out," he said as he crawled to the basement opening. He turned his back to it, laid down and began to slide out, feet first. He tried not to think about Callaghan getting the elevator moving again just as he was partway through. "He can't see me, can he, Benji?"

"Shouldn't be able to."

Ethan paused and glanced up toward the security camera in the corner. " _Shouldn't_ be able to?"

"This is taking forever, isn't it?" Jane said to Devoy. "Maybe we could climb out through the ceiling like they do in the movies."

Ethan was sure Devoy had already been considering that very thing and was wondering how to suggest it without sounding insane. Jane had taken the burden off of him. Which was great. Except that the trap awaiting Devoy up in the shaft wasn't exactly in top condition.

"Just take him down," Ethan said to her. "Take the chance. Get hold of both his hands. You can do it. You're quicker than he is."

"The choice is in your hands," Jane said. Ethan frowned at that. It was a strange thing to say.

"He must be holding the detonator in his palm," said Will, now sounding a little breathless as he descended. "He must've flashed it at her by accident."

Yes, that made sense. Jane was telling Ethan that getting hold of Devoy's hands wouldn't necessarily stop him from detonating the bomb.

"Where would we go if we could climb up there?" asked Devoy. If he'd really wanted to be convincing as just a regular guy and not an unstable megalomaniac, he should have at least tried to sound like he thought Jane's suggestion was ludicrous. He sounded more intrigued than anything else.

"There are hatches all along these shafts for maintenance crews," Jane explained. "If they can do it, I'm sure we can. You seem like you've got someplace you need to be."

When Ethan managed to get out of his elevator in one piece, he dropped down to the basement floor and asked, "Where am I going, Benji?"

"Straight ahead, last door at the end of this –"

There was a hiss of static and Benji's voice cut off.

"Benji? Benji, are you there?" No answer. Something was wrong.

Devoy was with Jane; Callaghan was in the control room. Did they have a third man with them? Ethan had done his research, and while there were others who followed Devoy's teachings, there'd been no indication of another party joining him and Callaghan today. Ethan's mind raced as he sprinted down the dim, concrete corridor, going over everything he knew about Devoy's operation.

How had Benji even been found? Right, because he'd insisted on coming back to get Will. When Will had decided not to go, Benji must not have bothered to drive back to the rendezvous point. Ethan had told him to stay away. He should have insisted. He should have yelled, he should have threatened. Part of his job was to make sure his team got out alive even if he didn't. If someone needed to go down with the proverbial ship, it should always be him, the team leader. In this instance there'd been no reason for Benji to endanger himself.

He thought of Will in the elevator shaft, having just heard Benji's voice simply stop, the cold fear that must have run through him. Ethan knew that feeling. He felt it on each and every one of his missions at one point or another. He'd felt it just now and he didn't have half the connection to Benji that Will had. To Will's credit, he'd kept his mouth shut, didn't call out Benji's name.

How on earth were they going to disarm the bomb without Benji?

"I think that's it, the maintenance hatch," said Devoy. "Ladies first. I'll hoist you up."

"Oh, uh … are you sure you don't want to go first?" asked Jane.

"No, no, I insist. I am, after all, a proper gentleman."

"He's onto you," said Ethan as he ran. "He knows something's waiting for him up there. He wants to see what happens to you if you go up first."

"It's better this way," Will said in a half whisper. "If he opens the hatch, he'll see me."

"And what do you plan to do once Jane gets up there and Devoy tries to go up after her?"

"Hadn't thought that far ahead."

"What happened to Mr. Analyst?"

"Sometimes you can't be that guy in the field. You know that."

"I know it. I just didn't think _you_ knew it."

Ethan continued his run down the hallway. It curved slightly to the left so he couldn't see his destination yet. Florescent lights passed by above him at regular intervals, flickering almost menacingly. When the hallway's end came into view, he slowed. The control room door was just up ahead; a red, ominous looking door with a small square window and 'control room' written in black letters. He kept his eyes and ears open for movement or noises. He drew Will's gun.

He passed by a door that was slightly ajar and wondered why it was open when every other door he'd seen down here was closed. He wasn't about to check inside. According to Benji, Callaghan was inside the control room and shouldn't have any idea Ethan was coming for him. The open door was probably a trap. Ethan ignored it.

He reached the red door and, keeping his head away from the little window, he placed a hand on the doorknob. He gripped it gently, counted to three and went for it.

Locked.

Now he'd tipped off Callaghan that he was there. He was either about to be attacked or, if there was another entrance to the room, about to lose Callaghan altogether. He had nothing to lose, so he stepped back, aimed and fired at the lock on the door until it fell apart. He charged inside.

He was not attacked. In fact the room was quiet. Too quiet. It was a small room, lit more brightly than the hall. There was a semi-circle desk full of monitors and buttons and keyboards. A lone desk chair upholstered in peeling blue leather sat empty before the desk. No one was inside, but someone _had_ been; the chair's swivel seat was just now coming to a stop after having turned slightly, as though someone had just gotten up.

Ethan cautiously stepped inside, gun at the ready, and looked around. No, there was no other exit. Callaghan was definitely somewhere in the room.

Unless he'd realized Jane had put a tracker on him in the first place and had discarded it here before Ethan had arrived. With Benji gone, there was no way to confirm that he hadn't yet left this room. Maybe he really was inside the room with the mysteriously open door.

But chairs didn't just move on their own. Ethan eyed the desk chair suspiciously.

He looked for hiding places. There was no one hiding behind the door. The desk was built into the wall, so nothing could get behind it, but there were cupboards beneath the desk. Four of them, all identical, large enough to hold a man of average size if he curled up tight enough, provided there were no shelves inside. There was nowhere else to hide. There was no closet, only metal hooks screwed into the wall by the door.

In his ear, Jane was attempting to pull herself up through the ceiling hatch in her elevator.

"Okay," she said, slightly breathless from her effort. "Just … one more push and … I think I can …"

 _WHAM!_ Ethan heard an impact, a yelp from Devoy and something tumbling to the floor, which Ethan guessed must have been Devoy himself after Jane had knocked him down. At least that's what Ethan hoped had happened. There was a second thud and then sounds of struggle; heavy things being thrown against walls, panting and grunting, the sickening sounds of knuckles meeting flesh over and over. Ethan was happy that something was finally happening in the elevator, but with no way to tell who had the upper hand, he couldn't stop that familiar cold fear from flooding through him again.

And what of Will? He hadn't said anything in a while. Although his continued silence was actually reassuring; it meant he was still hanging on.

There was nothing Ethan could do to help them now, so he surveyed the four cupboards and tried to drown out the fight noises so he could think. There were two cupboards on either side of the empty space where one's legs would go when sitting at the desk. Which one would Callaghan have chosen?

Right away, Ethan noticed how the desk chair was pushed to the right, leaving the left-hand cupboards unblocked. If Callaghan was smart he would have pulled the chair toward him as he closed his cupboard door, let the chair roll to a stop just in front of it so that Ethan would think he was inside one of the other cupboards.

Then again, maybe Callaghan would assume that Ethan would think just that and had hidden in one of the unblocked cupboards instead.

As soon as Ethan opened fire on a cupboard, provided it was the wrong one, Callaghan would know exactly where he was and would fire back. Ethan couldn't even risk opening a cupboard to check inside since he had no idea what squeaking or creaking noises the hinges might make. He couldn't give away his position.

He glared at the cupboards. Which one?

The sounds on the other end of the comm suddenly stopped. Mostly. There was still the occasional grunt, groan or gasp, but all movement seemed to have ceased. Jane and Devoy must have been locked in each other's grip, neither able to escape or get the upper hand. Was this it? Did the lives of everyone in and around the building depend on Jane maintaining her grip?

"Jane," whispered Will. "I know you're kinda in the middle of something, but I'm coming down. _Hard._ "

Wait, what?

"If you could get outta the way but keep him positioned under the hatch, that'd be swell."

Will wasn't thinking of … no, he wouldn't, not with a wounded leg. Could Jane even do what he asked without allowing Devoy to activate his detonator?

There was a noise of effort from Jane and then she yelled, "NOW, WILL, DROP NOW!" A loud thud, then another, a cry from Devoy, another grunt from Jane. Ethan half expected the explosion to come next.

But it didn't. Bullet hole and all, Will dropped from his cable with a cry like a terrified Tarzan. Judging from the noises, he went straight down through the hatch and landed squarely on top of Devoy. There was another terrible thud, more anguished groans, more sounds of struggle, and then …

"I got it!" yelled Will.

"Get outta the way! I've got him covered!" said Jane.

There was a low, menacing laugh that made the back of Ethan's neck prickle. Devoy.

"Whether I set it off or not, the bomb will still detonate," Devoy said.

Ethan almost said 'what' out loud, but luckily stopped himself. Not that he really needed an explanation. Clearly Devoy's bomb had a timer.

"How much time have we got?" asked Will.

Ethan heard little popping sounds in quick succession, like the noise buttons would make as they flew off of a shirt that was ripped open. Neither Will, nor Jane, said anything about what they were seeing, which only made Ethan more nervous.

"You do realize you're getting blown up with the rest of us, right?" Will asked.

"Yes, but only initially," said Devoy smugly. "Besides, I came into this knowing I would have to die for my cause. And so will you, but for you it will be a little more … permanent. Unless you plan on leaving this building with me inside it, leaving all of these people to die while you flee. You can't evacuate everyone in time. And you can't take me with you. You'll endanger people wherever you go if you do."

"Let it go, Devoy," snapped Jane. "It's over. You can't get to your precious manuscript now, you can't complete the ritual. Stop the timer. End this."

"There are far more people in this building than the ritual requires, more sacrifices than is necessary. If that alone doesn't prove my worthiness, I don't know what will. Recitation of the ancient text is merely insurance, not a necessity."

"Oh, well that's a relief," Will said dryly.

"And what if I take you out right here, right now?" Jane asked. "What then?"

"The outcome will be the same, my dear; if my heart stops - _boooom_."

Silence. Ethan imagined Will and Jane exchanging horrified glances. None of them had anticipated that the bomb might have a sensor that was monitoring Devoy's vitals.

"Ethan?" said a familiar, panicked voice. "Ethan, can you hear me?"

Benji!

The sensation of relief was like a warm hug. Ethan could have laughed out loud if it wouldn't have meant his death.

"Oh, thank god," said Will.

"Benji!" said Jane. Ethan could hear the relief in her voice too.

"Hi, guys!" said Benji with a joyful little laugh. He quickly sobered and said, "Ethan, Callaghan's in the far-right cupboard with the chair in front. Give me some sort of sign to show you've heard me."

Ethan took one hand off his gun and waved his hand in the air for a second.

"Good. I dunno how he did it, but Callaghan managed to jam my comm signal before. I could still see you on the monitors, though. Anyway, got the signal back now, I can hear you all clear as a bell."

"Thank god you're okay," said Jane. "We've got a bomb to disarm."

"Uh, guys?" said Will. "I hate to be the bearer of bad news" – which was a lie; Will _loved_ being the bearer of bad news – "but we're not exactly bomb squad material and there isn't much time left on that clock. How are we supposed to disarm this thing before it goes off on its own?"

"What?" asked Benji in shock. "What do you mean 'goes off on its own'?"

"There's a timer," said Jane. "And there isn't much time left on it."

"Describe it to me," said Benji. "What's the setup?"

Ethan allowed their chatter to fade into the background. Now that Benji was back, they'd be fine … probably. Ethan wished he knew how much time was left on the bomb's timer, but he couldn't worry about that now. He had to focus on getting a clean shot around a chair and with no way to see which part of his target he was aiming at.

He shifted his position just slightly, stepping so lightly and slowly that his leg muscles trembled.

He aimed and fired.

Instantly shots came back at him. He ducked and rolled under the desk, figuring Callaghan would continue firing more or less straight ahead. And he did, until he managed to spill out of the cupboard and onto the floor, at which point all shooting stopped.

Judging from Callaghan's strangled wheeze, Ethan's bullet had hit him all right. Ethan stayed hidden, tucked into a corner. He could see Callaghan's head and shoulders creeping into view as Callaghan dragged himself across the floor. He didn't think to turn and look behind him to where Ethan sat. Maybe he thought Ethan had already fled the room.

Or maybe rational thought wasn't really a top priority at the moment due to the hole in his trachea.

Ethan could see it now, the exit wound in the back of Callaghan's neck. It came into view when Callaghan's collar shifted as he moved. Blood dribbled from the small opening as Callaghan took his final breaths, dropped his head to floor and expired.

Ethan slumped back against the wall, shut his eyes and just breathed. This was the part where adrenaline began to wear off and every wound, ache and bruise he'd sustained was finally able to punch through to his brain.

"Well, which is it, pink or red?" asked a panicked Benji.

"I can't tell!" Jane snapped back. "They're too similar! I can't tell which is which!"

"Three minutes to detonation," Will reminded them.

"I'm coming in," said Benji.

"No!" Ethan chimed in. "Benji, we need you manning that van. You're the only one who –"

"I'm bringing a slightly pared-down version of my controls with me. Don't worry, I'll still have access to the building's security systems and maybe the elevators –"

 _"Maybe?"_ Ethan echoed.

"Ethan … we need him," Will said gravely, apparently not a fan of Benji coming inside either. He sounded like he was fading fast; quiet and slightly out of breath. His own adrenaline must have worn off by now and he was finally feeling the effects of his wound. "We can't disarm this thing without him. We've got two flashlights pointed at it and we still can't tell some of these colors apart."

It was pointless to argue. Ethan knew Benji was already on his way in, and anyway Will was right; if Benji couldn't help them remotely, he'd have to join them.

"What are you gonna do if security wants to search you?" Ethan asked Benji. "I've seen your idea of 'pared down', Benji. The stuff you carry around tends to raise red flags for security personnel."

"I'm creating a diversion," Benji explained, his voice shaky. He must have been on foot already. "Ethan, you've gotta get out of that room. I'm about to make the building's security systems go haywire. The control room's the first place personnel will flock to."

And for the first time Ethan thought to wonder where the person who was supposed to be manning this station was.

With a groan at the aches that had sprung up in his body, he crawled out from beneath the desk. As soon as he stood, alarms sounded all around him. He panicked for a moment before realizing it was only Benji's diversion. He looked down at Callaghan's body; he wasn't moving. Ethan stepped around him and left the room.

On his way out, he noticed the slightly open door again. He listened and heard no one approaching from down the hall yet (not that it was easy to hear much over the alarms, but he figured security would see little reason to be quiet), so he stepped close to the door and peered inside.

It was a small storage room full of elegant marble stands and glass display cases, as well as hand trucks and wooden skids.

And a lifeless body in a security uniform. Callaghan must have disposed of him before settling in. Apparently Callaghan hadn't had the same motivation that Devoy had to preserve the lives of the sacrifices until the explosion.

"Will?" said Jane suddenly and the panic in her voice made Ethan's neck prickle again. "Will, look at me. _Agent Brandt,_ can you hear me?"

"What happened?" asked Ethan, now on the move again.

"He's out. Lost too much blood – _don't you dare move!_ I'm still the one with the gun, remember?"

Devoy must have been getting feisty. Ethan heard his soft, menacing laugh again and sped up. "I'm on my way," he said. "Keep Devoy alive! Remember what happens if his heart stops."

He was in the elevator when he heard a loud whack and a thud.

"Jane? Benji? What's going on? Which one of you was that?"

"Devoy's taking a little nap now," Jane explained calmly and slightly breathlessly. "Don't worry, he's still breathing. Which I suppose you could have guessed given that we are too."

Ethan stepped out of his elevator on floor twenty-nine just as Benji stepped out of another one. Benji skidded to a halt and exchanged a quick, wide-eyed look with Ethan. He looked pale, even for him. He had a laptop open and resting on his forearm and a large laptop bag, clearly stuffed with equipment that wasn't meant to go in there, slung across his body. He looked down at his keyboard and tapped at some keys.

"You weren't followed?" Ethan asked.

"No. Everyone downstairs is too busy panicking. We're alone for the moment."

Benji got the elevator door open and revealed Jane sitting on the floor, splotches of blood spattered on her blouse and jeans. Will was lying unconscious next to her and she was applying pressure to his weeping wound through his pants. There was a small device lying at Will's side, something that could have been mistaken for an mp3 player; the detonator that Will had managed to pry from Devoy's grip.

A set of legs in dark gray slacks was also visible. Stepping inside, Ethan saw that Devoy was slumped in a corner. He had on a black wool coat, and the white shirt underneath was ripped open, its little buttons scattered all around him. There was a trickle of blood at the corner of his mouth, a nasty bump rising on his forehead and bruises blooming around both his eyes. A device with many wires and a digital timer was strapped to his chest.

Benji shut the elevator door and made sure it would stay that way. He then dropped to his knees before Devoy and got to work. Ethan lowered himself at Will's side and looked to Jane for more info.

"He's still breathing steadily," she said quietly. "But I don't know how much time he's got. He's been bleeding a while now."

Benji glanced just slightly to the side, in their direction, but didn't look at any of them. His eyes landed on Jane's hands pressing on Will's thigh. He only looked for a second, then went back to work.

"Does that timer say we have less than a minute and a half?" Ethan asked incredulously.

Jane glanced at Benji worriedly and said, "It's fine. Benji's got this."

"What if I don't?" Benji retorted as his fingers worked furiously. "It's not as if we've got time to safely dispose of this thing. _Christ_ , what bloody color is this wire?"

"I told you it was impossible to tell," Jane said. "Whoever put that thing together made sure it wouldn't be easy to take it apart."

Ethan pulled out his flashlight and turned it on. He went over to Benji and sat next to Devoy so he could light the bomb for Benji and watch his face at the same time. Benji's fingers were shaking something terrible. Sweat glistened on his brow. The lack of color in his face concerned Ethan.

"Benji," Ethan said gently.

"Not now," Benji muttered.

"Just listen to me. You can do this. I've seen you do this. This time is no different than any other. There's less time on the clock than there was last time. So what? I've seen you do this in ten seconds flat. We've got a wounded, passed-out teammate. So what? He's okay. He's breathing, his wound isn't fatal –"

"Yet," Benji said.

"He will live. Because you're gonna save him and everybody else in this building." Ethan glanced at the timer. Forty-five seconds. "You're doubting yourself. You think this is all your fault because I took your advice earlier. You think maybe, just maybe if we'd gone with my plan, things might've turned out different."

Benji didn't reply.

"It doesn't matter why you insisted on stalling Devoy. The fact is, taking your advice is the only reason Devoy didn't get his hands on the manuscript. You were right to insist that Will not face Devoy alone. What if he'd tried and failed? Devoy would've gotten to the manuscript and this building wouldn't be here now. How many people could have been evacuated before the bomb went off? Not everybody, that's for damn sure. These people are alive because of you, because of your insistence."

"My insistence is about to get them all killed."

"No. Your skill is gonna save them. Every last one of them. Not some. _All_. What color is that wire, Benji?"

Benji hesitated, staring at the wires with panic and defeat in his eyes. "I dunno," he whimpered.

"Yes, you do. Breathe. Stop shaking. _Look_. What color is that wire?"

Benji seemed to take Ethan's advice. He breathed deeply and some of his shaking diminished. He looked around at Will, at the patch of blood on his pants, at the blood staining Jane's clothes. He looked back to the bomb. Ten seconds left.

"Red," he said. "Red: dead." In a split second he released the red wire, went for the other almost-red one and gave it a violent yank.

Ethan winced, shut his eyes, waited.

Nothing happened.

Nothing except that when he opened his eyes he saw that the timer had stopped with a mere two seconds remaining.

Benji, who'd been crouched on one knee this whole time, fell back onto his butt with a relieved sigh and brought one knee up on which to rest his arm. He dropped his head down to rest his forehead on his forearm and just sat there panting.

Ethan looked over at Jane, who looked like she'd just run a marathon; glistening face and clavicle, hair disheveled. She gave Ethan a relieved, slightly disbelieving smile.

Will groaned and stirred. Benji perked up, turned and went to him, knelt at his side and took his hand. Will blinked up at him sleepily.

"We're all right," Benji told him, sounding like he barely believed it himself. "Bomb's disarmed. We did it!"

The blood loss was clearly affecting Will. He gave Benji a dopey smile, opened his mouth and slurred, "You're pretty."

Ethan and Jane exchanged an amused look.

"I think it's time to get him to a hospital," Ethan said.

* * *

Back in the United States, Ethan made his way down a hospital hallway with a vase full of flowers and a card. It had been three days since Paris. After some much needed recuperation, he still wasn't a hundred percent but good enough that he felt up to visiting Will.

He'd also needed that time to reflect on the events of the mission. There was much about it that was bothering him, mainly his own actions. There'd been multiple times when he'd attempted to get his teammates out to safety when the situation clearly called for all four of them to be present. He'd had his reasons; minimizing risk to his team, taking on responsibility wherever possible. But his logic had been flawed somehow. He was an old pro, he shouldn't be making mistakes like that.

He found the room he was looking for and poked his head in. Will was sitting up in bed in what looked like one of his own t-shirts and pairs of sweatpants. Benji sat on one side of the bed while Jane sat on the other, both in visitor's chairs. They all smiled at Ethan, and something clicked.

He hadn't seen them since the mission. Seeing them together now, smiling and relatively healthy, made Ethan stop in the doorway and stare. There was a swell of something almost painful in his chest. For days now he'd felt like an unanswered question was rattling around in his brain like the ball on a spinning roulette wheel. The wheel finally stopped and the ball landed squarely on an answer.

 _Oh,_ he thought as looked fondly at his teammates. His friends.

Of course, now that he had his answer, he was even more troubled.

"Flowers?" said Will.

Ethan realized he'd stopped moving and jerked back into motion. With a shrug, he entered the room and set the vase down on the window ledge. "It was either this or a big pink teddy bear." He went and stood at the foot of Will's bed. "How are you feeling?"

"Not bad for a guy who got shot and then threw himself down an elevator shaft."

"I thought you were done throwing yourself off of things. Didn't you wanna be the seducer this time around?"

"Nah. Didn't think that would sit right with certain people." Will gave Benji an affectionate look. Benji blushed.

"I would've preferred that, to be honest," Benji said. "There were no magnets to break your fall this time. Madness."

"He can actually put a bit of weight on the leg now," said Jane. "They say he can go home tomorrow."

"That's great news," said Ethan.

Will smiled at him. "Thanks for coming."

"I had to. Jane would've yelled at me if I hadn't." Ethan grinned to let Will know he was joking.

"Any news from headquarters?" asked Benji. "Any nasty little surprises?"

"No, insurance is covering everything," said Ethan. He looked back and forth from Jane to Benji. "How are you two holding up?"

"Apparently Benji's been here almost non-stop since Will was admitted," Jane said.

"Tattletale," Benji grumbled. "Who else is gonna bring him real food and clean clothes that don't hang open in the back? Not that that's not a good look on him."

"I keep telling him he doesn't need to stay, but …" Will began, but he trailed off as he and Benji locked eyes. Something passed between them then, one of those moments Ethan felt uncomfortable witnessing.

When they remembered they weren't alone, Benji looked at Ethan, saw the concern on his face and said, "I'm getting enough sleep, I swear."

Ethan wasn't so sure about that. Benji looked happy, but tired. He had a tendency to have trouble sleeping after intense missions, and having his boyfriend in the hospital couldn't have been helping. "You know, now you mention it," Ethan said, "the higher-ups did say something about the wireless hacking device. Do you know anything about that?"

Benji frowned and sat up a bit straighter. "What happened? Is it broken? I'm sure it was fine when we brought it back."

"I don't know. They said you'd know what they meant. Come on out into the hall, we can give them a call now."

"All right." Benji stood and followed Ethan out of the room. They strolled slowly away from Will's door and Benji asked, "Are we using my phone?"

"We're not calling headquarters."

"Oh … um …"

"I called you out here because I wanted to talk."

"Oh." Benji both looked and sounded disappointed. "Ethan, I know what you're gonna say."

Ethan stopped walking, so Benji did too. They moved off to one side of the hallway and faced each other. "I haven't seen you like that in a long time. The nerves, the doubt. That's rookie stuff."

"It never really goes away, though, does it? I mean, sometimes you're sure and other times you're just not."

"This was different. It was like you were fresh out of training again. Uncertainty is one thing. I feel it too sometimes. But this? This was regression. And the only thing that was different about this mission was you and Will."

Benji shoved his hands in his jacket pockets and shuffled his feet. "I made you let me stall Devoy."

"You didn't _make_ me."

"I did. I insisted. I wouldn't let it go. And it was all because of Will, because he was wounded and I didn't want him facing Devoy alone."

"Benji –"

"This isn't the first time, Ethan. I've done it before. I've made life and death decisions based solely on how I felt about him. I did it before I even _had_ real feelings for him. I've killed for him and to this day I'm not sure it was the right call."

"What? Wistrom?"

Benji lowered his face.

"That _was_ the right call. How can you question that?"

"Because it can't be that easy, deciding who lives and who dies. It should _never_ be that easy. What gives us the right?"

Ethan glanced around to make sure no one was too close to them. He then said quietly, "If taking one life means billions get to go on living, how can you not make the choice?"

Benji looked off toward the nurses' station and shook his head. He said nothing.

"Benji. It doesn't matter why. If you do the right thing, it doesn't matter why."

"What happens when I make the wrong decision because of my feelings? What then?"

"Feelings are what guide us. Our guts, our hearts. Sometimes they're right and sometimes they're wrong, and we all just need to learn to live with the outcomes. You think my decisions out in the field aren't based on emotions?"

"No, I think they're based on logic and experience."

"Yeah, sometimes. But not always. I'm just as human as you. Sure, my ability to reason is indispensable, but my gut is my biggest ally out there. And the more experience you have, the more accurate your gut gets. Even Will gets that."

"That's not the same. Gut isn't the same as being in love and endangering everyone because of it."

"Hey, look at me."

With a sigh Benji obeyed, fixing his sad eyes on Ethan.

"You did the right thing out there. You know who almost didn't do the right thing? Me. I almost let Devoy get to Will before any of us could get to Devoy, and the only reason I was willing to do that was because I was certain that you were wrong. I thought because you love Will you couldn't possibly be thinking clearly. I was willing to let Devoy go, and take the chance that a wounded man could handle him alone simply because the person who saw the flaw in my plan was being guided by his heart. I almost got us all killed, Benji. Me. Not you."

Benji was quiet, taking in Ethan's words.

"I agreed to your idea because I knew in my gut that it was right and I'd finally managed to stop being suspicious of your motives long enough to realize it."

Benji still didn't look convinced, so Ethan crossed his arms and said, "Did you happen to keep track of how many times I tried to get Jane and Will out of the building or keep you from getting too close?"

Benji shook his head.

"Neither did I, but it was a lot. I've been doing a lot of thinking about that the past three days. Something about it kept bugging me and I finally figured out what. That wasn't just me being your team leader."

"What are you saying?"

"I'm saying you're not the only one who struggles with emotional bonds in the field. If any one of you had listened to me and gotten yourselves out to safety, we all might not be here right now because I needed all three of you there with me that day. But you didn't listen." Ethan smiled and shook his head. "You almost never do. And that's another thing: you're not alone out there with your emotions. None of us are. When you make a potentially bad call, you've got three other people to either back you up or tell you you're crazy. We work in teams for a reason."

Ethan's words seemed to be having some impact; Benji didn't look quite so sad anymore. "You were trying to get us all out … 'cause you like us?"

"When you say it like that, it sounds silly." It did sound silly and it _felt_ silly and Ethan was embarrassed enough hearing the words in his head, let alone out loud. "I shouldn't be making mistakes like that. But I'm willing to set aside my pride and admit to you what happened out there that day because I know you need to hear it. Because you need to understand that I'm just as human and flawed as you. Because yes, Benji, I like you. All of you. I might even … more-than-like you. Just a little."

Benji gave him a little smile, clearly touched, but he quickly composed himself and said, "I just don't wanna let you down. You know? I worked so hard to get here, in part because of you, and to have something come along and derail me …"

Benji looked up to him. Ethan knew it but had mostly ignored it. He'd never wanted to be anybody's role model. It seemed too complicated. But now he _was_ a role model, to somebody he cared about very much.

"Will isn't derailing you," Ethan said. "He's changing you, you just need to adapt. Love is not a weakness. And you can't let me down. You're a good agent. Better than good; you're phenomenal. There aren't many people who can do what you do. Trust yourself. I trust you. I'd trust you with my life a million times."

Benji nodded and shifted his weight some more. Ethan waited patiently. He expected Benji to say 'thank you' or 'okay' or something along those lines, but then Benji shyly met his eyes again.

"What?" Ethan asked.

Benji took a breath in through his nose, let it out. He seemed to be working up the courage to do something. Ethan figured out what it was a second before it happened and could do nothing but stand there and let it happen. Benji hesitantly leaned in, hooked an arm around Ethan's shoulders and pulled him into a hug, complete with awkward little back pat.

"Oh – okay, we're doing this, huh?" Ethan said as he considered where to put his hands. He rested them on Benji's mid-back and gave him an awkward pat in return.

"I hope you appreciate how difficult this is for me," Benji said. "I'm British."

Ethan smiled. "I know, Benji."

"I more-than-like you too."

Ethan gave him a squeeze. He hadn't meant to. It just sort of happened. Deciding it was time to disengage, he pulled away and said, "Yeah, that's enough bonding for today."

"Right."

Ethan patted Benji's shoulder and was guiding him back to the room just as Jane emerged.

"Hey, everything all right?" she asked.

"Yeah, we're good," Ethan said.

Jane stopped before them, frowned with concern at Benji and asked, "You okay?"

"Yeah, yeah. Fine, just, um … tired. You know. I'm just gonna …" He pointed at Will's room to indicate he was heading back in and then did just that. He slipped away before Jane could get a closer look at the telltale signs of emotion on his face.

Jane watched him go, looking curious, then looked at Ethan. "I'm going down to the cafeteria to see if there's anything edible. Wanna come?"

"Sure."

They walked together toward the nearest elevator in silence until Jane said, "That was sweet, by the way."

"What?"

"I caught the tail end of your talk with him."

"Oh no."

"I more-than-like you too, Ethan."

"Stop it."

"The old Benji would've died on the spot if you'd said that to him. He used to have such a crush on you."

"He … what?"

They stopped at the elevators where Jane pressed the down button and said, "You know, the more missions I go on, the more I think I never want to set foot in an elevator again."

"No, hang on, Benji used to have a crush on me? When?"

She smiled at him. "You're different, you know."

"What's that mean?"

"'Love is not a weakness'?"

"What?"

"You said that."

"Did I?"

"Yes."

"That doesn't sound like me."

"No, it doesn't."

He smiled coyly at her. "Old dogs can learn new tricks too, you know." He paused and frowned to himself. "No, it's … it's not a new trick. I didn't always used to be so cynical."

"Do you really believe it now? That love isn't a weakness?"

They looked at each other, each suddenly somber. Ethan thought about Julia, how having her in his life simply hadn't been realistic. He wondered if Jane was thinking about Hanaway. Jane had once said that IMF agents were better off with other agents rather than civilians, and that was probably true. But Hanaway had still died, and his death had still caused Jane to falter at least once.

But what was there to fight for if not the people you loved? Why did Ethan do what he did for a living if not to keep them safe? If he didn't have them, what would he be?

"Yes," he finally replied. "And no."

She nodded and said, "Me too."

The elevator arrived and they stepped inside. Jane pressed the ground floor button and the doors closed. They rode down quietly together until Jane noticed that Ethan kept glancing at her.

"What?" she asked.

"When did Benji have a crush on me?"

She shook her head as the doors opened again. "You are so obtuse," she said as she exited. He was still demanding answers as he hurried after her.

* * *

> "It's not that you should never love something so much that it can control you. It's that you need to love something that much so you can never be controlled. It's not a weakness. It's your best strength." - from _The Ask and the Answer_ by Patrick Ness

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